I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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