She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
