Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
