i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
