Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
