FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
