God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't deserve a penis
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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