Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
