I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
tell me about the eggs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
