So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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