No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
