sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
