Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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