rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
