I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
