apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize