There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
