It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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