i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
