if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
