Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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