I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
