Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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