But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
