apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
