I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
