I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize