"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
