I hate your face
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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