Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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