it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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