I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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