he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
