i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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