This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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