OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think my vagina is haunted
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
