are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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