having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
