WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i will never coherently bang her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
