i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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