I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
