I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
