dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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