I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
