At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
