Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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