Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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