either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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