Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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