Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this is an emotional support booty call
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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