4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
