Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
