k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The air was thick with penises
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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