Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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