that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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