And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
