he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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