Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He shit in the fireplace
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
