I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
