I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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