Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
