She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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