Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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