it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
