"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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