Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
