every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
