She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
