im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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