doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
