It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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