Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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