Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
