McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Enjoy the penises
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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